haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
