Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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