I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
