that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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