Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
