how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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