I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
