dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
