I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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