my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
