She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
