ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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