I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
