I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
