i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
