my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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