so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
