Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
