You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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