Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
