Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
