i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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