if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
