P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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