i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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