i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
