Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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