1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
