I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
