thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
