Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
