you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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