you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
