can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
