watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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