Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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