Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
