When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
