Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
two words: eviction party
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
