This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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