your parents love me but you hate me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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