Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
