I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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