Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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