FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
