Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
