I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
