i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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