Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
