Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
