I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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