she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
