the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
